Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
