and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
