I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I should be sponsored by Trojan
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
