Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just gift wrapped bread.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
