I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
