I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
