dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
