My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
