I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize