every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
