wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
