do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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