I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
