Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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