The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
