Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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