Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
