Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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