When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
