She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
