he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
