we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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