Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
