waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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