i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
