her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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