Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
