I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
