Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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