i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
