If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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