third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
