there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
