I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
