My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
