this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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