This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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