yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
