Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
