Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
