dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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