so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
