I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
