At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
