Why are handjobs necessary in class?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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