the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
