This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
