my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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