You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
