maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
