I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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