And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
