im drinking this country out of the recession.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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