Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
