remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
