My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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