reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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