Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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