We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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