I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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