it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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