Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
