I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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