I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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