i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Ketchup is God's man juice
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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