my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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