I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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