I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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