Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
