Your face is a jimmy john
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
