The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
last night I used snow as a chaser
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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