I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They are going to name an STD after you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
