Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Everclear isn't food dammit
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
