we have pet lesbian snakes
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
