explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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