hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
