Small penises have feelings too.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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