You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
