Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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