Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
