After last night, I could never be a politician.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
