after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
