It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
