I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize