if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize