make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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