3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
