I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
