fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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