I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize