i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
