Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
