Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
