I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
