well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
