girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
