I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
