i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
