I heard we made out
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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